I was reminded today of a conversation I had with my transplant nurse a few weeks ago when she informed me of my donor being medically unfit, but there was a second donor: the wonderful 50 year old German lady. I said that with her being 50, surely she has been on the register for a while as the cut off (I thought) for new donors is 40? My nurse said 'are you suggesting that this is someone who was missed when we first looked?', I hadn't thought of this implication in my question as it was off the top of my head but I said 'yes I suppose so'. I was then, in the nicest possible way, told that I have enough to worry about without spending time worrying about whether the experts involved in my case are doing their jobs properly. She was very nice about it and assured me that this lady was a new donor and that I should not waste time worrying about them doing their bit, they were doing everything they could for me.
So it was today that I was suffering with rising anxiety levels because it had been so long since I'd heard anything from the hospital. I should remind everyone that the last time I didn't hear, the whole thing was cancelled, so I think my anxiety was justified. But I really didn't want to appear to be questioning them when I had been told to 'wait until you hear something, it could take 3-4 weeks'. I had half decided to give my transplant nurse a ring tomorrow and then I get a call from my consultant - which immediately put me into a scared silence. He must have sensed this as he told me straight away that he wasn't ringing with bad news. He asked me when I was due to come in, and I said I hadn't heard. He then looked in the schedule and said 'you're due in next week'. He explained there was a note on my file which said the lady had had the medical done yesterday and we should get clearance on Friday. So, I asked, it is possible she could still be unfit? Yes but generally if there is anything serious they ring him straight away to let him know. As he had not heard anything, that is a pretty good sign there is nothing serious, and if that is the case, he told me, 'I'm expecting to see you on Tuesday'. Tuesday?!!! What the frip? So this weekend is suddenly my last weekend before going in (cancel camping again), so I need to pack again...My consultant apologised for the fact that I didn't know, but I said this is great news, this is what we've been waiting for, we've been ready for weeks.
So, although there is a always the possibility of some hiccup, I should be going in for transplant on Tuesday. It's finally upon me and I don't feel scared, I feel ready, it's been such a long wait and this is the 'very small light at the end of a long tunnel', which is how the potential cure for Myeloma was put to us by a very good registrar right at the start of all this. A lot of my anxiety has been based on half believing this transplant will never happen because something will always go wrong...well God bless the Germans.
Slightly gutted that I have been keeping my hair short as when it gets long I see these thin white hairs sticking up and I think they really typify the chemo/cancer fuzzy look, and also I was told to keep them short to avoid breaking these feeble hairs and damaging the follicle. Well, I've realised they are grey hairs, more then I ever realised I had. And they grow so much faster than all the rest of my hair. Does pulling one out create two?
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